Sex Effects Relationships




You are more than a body.

Even a whole body condom – think scuba suit – couldn’t protect you from everything that comes along with sex.

Let’s say you have a marriage that starts out with love and high hopes.

A few years later something happens. It seems like everything goes wrong at once.

If the couple stays together, what will happen to their relationship? It will probably get stronger. But, let’s say instead of hanging in there, the guy looks for an escape.

He goes to his job. His secretary flirts with him everyday. He has a sexual affair. The fire is now outside of the fireplace. Could that be a pleasurable event? Yes, but it’s out of place now.

Now let’s say there’s no pregnancy or STD – no physical consequence. What relationship consequence could happen though in his life? Divorce. Is it worth it? Is it worth that little bit of pleasure versus a family blown apart of the rest of their lives? That’s a pretty big deal, isn’t it? Can a condom protect against that? No. It can’t.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Okay, dude, we’re a long ways off from marriage so I’m not really worried about that yet.” But it is possible to meet your future spouse at your age. Even your relationships throughout high school can be ruined because of the sexual choices you make. Let’s say you’re in a three month relationship. Who knows where it could go? Maybe good; maybe not. Well, let’s say one night they’re out somewhere, and the guy says some really stupid thing, and she gets insulted. And her friends say, “Forget that jerk. He insulted you. We’re going to a party. Leave him behind.” So she goes to this party and there’s alcohol, and people are getting stupid drunk. She was really drunk, and hooks up and has sex with some jerk at the party. Could this happen? Yes, it happens all the time in high school. Might it pleasurable? Yes, if she remembers it. Let’s say she’s lucky and there’s no pregnancy or STD. What happens when word gets back to the boyfriend? Is he cool with that? No. She cheated! It’s pretty much over, isn’t it? I think that’s sad, and here’s why: because they’ll never find out where that may have gone. The relationship is over, and it never got a chance to grow and develop – to really figure out that they’re not meant to be together. Do you see how powerful this sex thing is? And remember, every time you choose to have sex now with someone who isn’t your future spouse, you are unwrapping the gift of yourself even more. Your future spouse may one day ask you how many people you had sex with. What will you have to say?

Sex can also affect the growth of a relationship. This is my intimacy chart. High intimacy is when you know someone really well.

What might happen to the rate of growth in the emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual when the physical becomes the big deal? Often they’re going down. A lot of people think by having sex when dating it will cement the bond. It will take it to a new level. Not always. Sometimes things get weird and blow apart. Someone’s going to be hurt soon enough.

Girls, if a guy is interested in you primarily because of his sexual attraction, sexual friction thing, guess what? There are zillions of girls out there with boobs and all the girl stuff.

If a guy is interested in that, he can get it anywhere.

But, if a guy falls in love with you – the real you in the body. You are unique. You are beautiful in ways that no one else is.

If he falls in love with the unique you in your body, a prettier one can walk by and he’s not going anywhere because he’s in love with the girl underneath your looks.

That’s what I call Real Deal Love. It’s deep. It’s strong. It’s based on other things than just her body, her boobs, and thinking, “I’ll just pick the one that looks best to me.” No, he’s falling in love with who she is – the real person.

Take a look back at the intimacy chart, and the typical high school relationship. This kind of relationship is shallow. It’s the kiddie pool of relationships. Kiddie pools are not a cool place to be. “Oh, this is so exciting! I’m having meaningless relationships with people that hardly I even know. We’re having sex, sharing bodily fluids, maybe getting a life-time disease, and creating a new life – a baby that we don’t really want – just because that’s what the culture tells us is normal.”

If sexual relationships with people you hardly know made you all so happy, then I guess prostitutes would be really happy people because they get lots of sex with people they don’t really know. But they’re not happy. That’s why most of them are all addicted to drugs.

Why waste any time in the kiddie pool? Why not just hold out for the ocean? The ocean would be real love. Real deal love.

So guys, the same with you. If a girl’s primarily interested in getting sex from guys, there’s always going to be some cuter guy and she’ll be gone. But again, if she falls in love with you – the real you in the body. And she likes your dumb sense of humor, and thinks you’re cool even though you’re not, then you’ve got something that will last. It doesn’t matter if a cuter guy walks by, she’s going to be sticking with you.

I know girls all want to know they’re beautiful. You want to know that you’re beautiful and wonderful and you’re the best thing to ever walk into their life. You should come to the place where you realize that you are beautiful and wonderful just by virtue of who you are before you have some boy telling you that. In other words, you don’t want to be needy. When you were six years old, missing your front teeth, probably talking funny, you were a cute little bundle of femaleness, and you were wonderful and beautiful just by virtue of who you were without having to have a boyfriend tell you so. Right? Yes, you were. Maybe annoying, but you were wonderful, and it’s because of who you were, and not because a boyfriend was there to say, “Oh yeah, you’re hot!” so now you feel like you’re somebody. No, you need to feel like you’re somebody without the boyfriend.

Don’t fall for these teen magazines and air brushed pictures – Cosmo and everything. You have to be perfectly beautiful in every way or you’re a loser. That’s a lie. Every guy has different tastes in beauty, and some guy is going to think you’re the best thing that ever walked into their life.

Guys, you don’t want to know you’re beautiful so much, but you do want to know I’m the man and I’ve got what it takes. The culture’s going to tell you, “Be the man,” in these next few years. The pressure is going to be on you in the next few years, with this message, “Dude, you’ve got to get some from a bunch of girls and then you’re the man. You’ve got to be the player.”

I’ve known people like that, and I’ve seen them. And all it is, is basically an emotional three year old in a grown up body using other people to get their own gains. They don’t care about anybody. They don’t care how many girls they hurt. All they care about is their own self. We do not respect that in a man. We respect a strong man who respects and protects the girls who are in his life and the people he cares about, not, “Oh, can I get some?” That’s so lame. “Can I get some? Yeah, that will make me the man.” The real measure of a man is not how fast you can run or how far you can hit the ball; it’s how much you can love and respect other people and care about them.

So it’s something you all have to decide. What do you want? Kiddie pool or ocean? Why not hold out for the good stuff? To be a great athlete, you can’t just do what you want all the time. You can’t go home, and just sit on the couch eating twinkies and watching Oprah. If you want to be a great athlete you need to go out and run, and get in shape, and all that stuff. So you do the hard things first sometimes, and that’s how it is with relationships. Choose Real Love!

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